Survival Mode (Boundaries Help)

The only thing we know for sure: No one has any idea how long we will be in this wild wild situation, and it’s hard. For you, for me, for we. Remember when talking about “thriving, not just surviving” felt normal and appropriate? Now, we’re quite literally in survival mode, which feels bizarre and strange and super scary. And still, my helping mission remains. I’m still on a mission to help you find ways to make your life better, even as we hunker down, wash, wash, wash, and do all the things to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and the herd.

I’ve ditched my April blog plans to bring you coping tips to make this #stayhome call to action work better for you.
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#1 Tip: Boundaries. Emotional, mental, physical, all of them. Boundaries come down to clear and clean communication. It’s more essential than ever to get empowered and hone those communication skills. Get super crystal clear about what will and won’t work for you, and practice articulating it.

Use your words. Literally. Remember to respond, and not to react. NOTHING is going right, right now, and hello, this is a massive set up for reactivity! When hunkering down in any size space, it can have a pressure cooker effect. So if something happens that’s a problem, either big or small, use your words. Talk to the person about what went down, how it landed with you, and what would work better. If you need a moment to figure all that out: SAY THAT.
Ask. Asking for what you need is more pressing than ever. Articulate the time and space and help you are needing from the people you live with. If you live alone, reach out to others and ask for check-ins. Now is not a time to hold back. We are all in this together. Trust that people will set their own limits in response to your requests. And on that note…
Say No. I personally have found, been presented with, opportunities to help right now in abundance. I am a helper, I am hard-wired (plus conditioned by society, who am I kidding) this way. Just being honest, I am holding space for a lot of people right now. I love to do it, and I am very good at it — so be assured, I am not complaining. And, the plain fact is, I must be judicious with my energy so I can keep being good at it and helpful. This has meant I’ve said no to things I’d love to say yes to, and though I feel guilty, I know it’s right. That’s why I’m telling you now: Say “NO” more. Be strategic with your “YES,” always, and definitely now.
Under-personalize. If ever there was a time to practice a skill I coach on regular, it’s to constantly remind yourself: “This is not about you.” Every single thing that’s coming our way is riddled with uncertainty, fear, panic, anxiety, and the like. Unless you are actively spreading COVID19, try to under-personalize the wild messages that may be coming your way. There hasn’t been a time in recent history when the undercurrent of our lives is shared so universally. So pause. Take a breath. Meet the intensity that’s coming your way with grace and kindness.