This is all brutally hard, isn’t it? So many people in my world have been feeling a deeper heaviness this past week (or so) for varying reasons. We’re in the midst of what would usually be a time of spring vacations and spring holidays, full of joy and celebration. Whether you celebrate holidays this time of year or you don’t, spring and its unfurling, its peeling of layers, usually brings a much-welcomed lightness right about now. Not so much this year. Park and playground and patio season still must wait, even as the weather won’t. Yet another example of how much has changed for all of us, and how dramatically life is not matching expectations at all.
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Full disclosure, I myself have had a bit of the blahs this week. I know it’s because of so many things: The daily deeply saddening statistics here in NYC, our Passover plans with friends and family requiring a digital reboot, my overall worry about loved ones around the globe, to name only a few. Big and small things are weighing a lot right now. And like everyone, it’s sinking in that getting to the other side of a global pandemic, well, it’s just going to take a while. We need to flex our resilience muscle more than ever.
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So, I’m skipping tips this week except to this one simple thing: Pour LOVE on you. Because you are doing great, no matter what. You’re doing great whether you’re anxious or calm, dropping balls or staying on top of some stuff, scraping through your day or feeling good. You’re doing great whether you’re coping with working while parenting and educating(!!), or whether you’re coping with alone- and loneli- ness. You’re doing great whether you’re crying a lot, a little, or not at all. You’re doing great whether you’re binging TV or reading books, whether you’re eating crap or eating healthy, whether your pants are loose or getting tight. You are NORMAL, and you are doing great.
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There’s simply no one way, there’s just no right or perfect way to be coping with or managing an ongoing crisis of this scale. It’s breaking my heart how hard people are being on themselves right now, when we literally have zero frame of reference for this and it’s HARD. Plain and simple. Every day, a different story. A bad day full of worry on a Monday does not mean that Tuesday will feel the same way. Heck, Monday afternoon could provide a 180. Allow for it.
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The up-is-down-and-down-is-up quality of life right now, makes this the very moment to start a practice of being gentle with yourself. Give yourself a damn break! This does not come easily for many of my clients, nor really anyone I know, so find some way to make a teeny tiny ritual of being gentle with yourself that works for you.
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Y’all know I just love using reminders and alerts to practice intentionality and all the ways we want to take better care of ourselves. I love them because they WORK. Here’s a perfect use for a reminder alarm: to regularly tell yourself five short words: YOU’RE DOING A GREAT JOB. (Period).
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There is feeling good in the short term, vs. the long term. There is no doubt a good feeling that comes from eating chocolate, a bag of potato chips, a pepperoni pizza, a piece of cheesecake. It may satisfy a need at the time. How about the next day when you look back on what you ate or did the previous day. The key, from my point of view, is having long term goals that make you proud of yourself upon achieving them. How about catching up on reading, exercising, managing your diet, planning future trips, improving relationships and sharpening communication skills, or developing emotional intelligence? Why not use this time constructively to demonstrate love for yourself and others? Why not use this time to do some introspection and work on self-improvement. Set goals that you can be proud of, when accomplished. Be able to look back on this time as taking advantage of the opportunity to re-think your life and start going down a more constructive path. Use this time wisely and constructively for your own sake, to avoid getting into the same old ruts that your might have been in before the quarantine. Don’t waste the opportunity for self-examination and possibly re-direction.
Yes, if doing all those things make you feel great and work for YOU – go for it. I love it! I also think that everyone has to decide what is right for their own well-being, without all the “should do this” and “should do that” judgment-based messaging dictating.Being productive and taking advantage of opportunities means different things to people based on their current experience and availability to resources (time, support, financial, etc). There’s just no one size fits all.